Meeting Effectiveness – Sidetracks in Efficiency

Nothing kills the momentum of a collaborative meeting faster than a big fat “but”. You know the drill because you’ve likely been on the receiving end (or possibly the giving end) of the fat “but”.

 

 

Unintentionally Undermining The Collaborative Meeting Process

It goes something like this:

Sandy: I believe strongly that it’s important for us to include the legal team in our decision to make sure we’re not creating the risk of a lawsuit.

Mike: I hear you Sandy, BUT if we invite them into the discussion they’re going to slow us down and we’ll never deliver our project on time.

Technically there is nothing wrong with what Mike said. He clearly disagreed with Sandy’s idea and wanted to express his opinion. There is certainly nothing wrong with expressing an opinion and in fact, Mike may pride himself on being a “straight-shooter” who speaks what’s on his mind.

The problem is that Mike’s “fat-but” style can stymie the collaborative process by making others feel, well, like an ass. The issue with the “but” is that it can come across as disregarding anything that immediately preceded it, which in this case is Sandy’s opinion.

This style can also inadvertently shut Sandy down, which would result in losing her thoughts, ideas, and other contributions to the collaboration process.

Choose Your Words Wisely

Now don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying that Mike needs to like Sandy’s idea or pretend he does. In fact, Sandy’s idea may not be a good one. What we are saying is that Mike could have expressed his opinion in a much more elegant way. In a way that is much more likely to preserve the collaborative process that we strive for in our meetings (and interpersonal relationships for that matter).

So let’s try this again using a more elegant and collaborative approach. We call this approach the “And Offer”, It goes something like this:

Sandy: I believe strongly that it’s important for us to include the legal team in our decision to make sure we’re not creating any risk of a lawsuit by taking this action.

Mike: I hear you Sandy, AND WHAT I WOULD OFFER IS THAT if we invite them into the discussion they’re going to slow us down and we’ll never deliver our project on time.

In this case, Mike still gets to express his opinion and disagree with Sandy. However, rather than disregarding Sandy’s opinion, he is building off of it in a more collaborative manner. So Mike can still take pride in being a “straight-shooter”, only without blowing Sandy away and undermining the collaborative process.

The “And Offer” is a simple tool that can have a powerful impact on your collaborative meetings. Try it out in your next meeting and let us know your results by leaving a comment below.

Oh, and by the way, it works great with your spouse as well!

Meeting Result – Accountability in Action

Learn about Keeping Your Meetings On Topic!